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If you want to follow my adventures as I camp across the American West, then you’re in the right place.

Last year I turned 50 and, in true cliche form, had my upteenth midlife crisis. This “Oh crap. What am I going to do with the rest of my life?” moment coincided with an “Oh crap. How the $%*! am I going to survive the 2020 election year and endless news cycle?” moment. Around that same time, my Beloved convinced me that we should go rafting down the Colorado and Green Rivers in southern Utah. She had done this before, but I was dubious. Not only am I not a great swimmer, but the thought of spending time in a desert wasn’t very appealing to me. I grew up in the desert of West Texas— a stark, arid place that is as psychologically desolate as it is physically desolate. I had no desire to spend time in southern Utah where I imagined it would be equal part desolate, hot, and inhospitable.

Much to my surprise, I fell in love with the area and being on the river. The vistas on and off the river were awe-inspiring and breathtaking. Being isolated from the world for five days gave me the space and time to be present with myself and my Beloved. The night sky was unlike anything I had ever experienced; the sunrises and sunsets were spectacular; and the afternoon I found myself inches away from an Ancestral Puebloan granary and pictographs left me feeling like I had stood on sacred ground. For a few days, I felt centered and grounded and at peace. And it all evaporated within a few weeks of returning home.

So I’m heading out into the proverbial wilderness in an attempt to rediscover that awe and wonder and figure out how to make it stick this time. My hope is that by immersing myself in some of the most beautiful, rugged, and desolate areas of the US I’ll be able to reset my perspective. I need to learn how to balance planning for the future with living in the present. I need to gain perspective away from the 24/7 news cycle. As cliche as it sounds, I have to learn how to sit with myself if I am going to be present for others.

All images by Van Davis